Letting go

 

Welcome back. It's been a couple weeks. Hopefully your 2021 is off to a good start. Mine.....well, I'm working on it. 

This post is probably going to be a rehash of past blogs. But I need to work things out in my head and putting fingers to keyboard usually helps. 

I was hoping that 2021 would start off with a bang. New year. New me. Hit the ground running, or biking, or whatever. If I am honest, I'd say it's been a mixed bag at this early date. 

I've been doing some Zwifting, with mixed results. For those of you not familiar with Zwift, it's an app/program that allows you to do virtual rides. Like a video game. If you have a "smart" trainer it even makes you work. Hills feel like hills. Downhills fly by. It's fun. When it works!! Apparently my trainer/iPad/bluetooth doesn't always get along. I'll be riding along, either in a group ride or structured workout and suddenly, NO CONNECTION!! My online rider coasts to a stop. If I'm lucky I can back out and reconnect. But that usually means I've lost the group or my workout starts from the beginning. I've had a little better luck using a laptop but it is so old and slow (like me!) that I need to start it up well before I want to ride. Maybe it will start Zwift, maybe not. I thing it depends on the weather! At least when (if) it finally connects it seems to stay connected. 

To make it more interesting I've been dealing with some numbness/tingling in my hands and feet. Stress? Bad bike position on the trainer? Some new and interesting medical malady? Who knows. It's a few weeks before I have my follow up. Getting in to see a doctor is damn near impossible. Maybe April?! I'm taking a few days off to see if it helps. Updates to follow. It's frustrating because I was feeling good on the bike. I have an old 1985 Trek 2000 on my trainer. Downtube shifters. 6 speed freewheel. 52/39 and 13-21. Probably not ideal but I was having good results. I was even sneaking in a few rides outside. Not long. Not fast. But outside. In January. In Wisconsin. They felt good too. Maybe not pre-2020 good but decent. I was hoping for a good start to 2021. Now I'm not as confident. 

Running has been a different story completely. To say the least it is frustrating. That's where this post's title comes from. I keep comparing 2020 and earlier to now. Right now a 10 minute per mile pace is tough. Honestly tough. Some days brutally tough. Then I get frustrated. And mad. And depressed. And then it goes downhill from there. I keep looking at last year. Running honestly felt effortless. Pre-surgery I felt as good as I have in years. I had the workouts and races to prove it. Even after surgery I felt good. My recovery went well and running fitness came back quickly. I had a great half marathon program. Posted my best 5K in 5+ years. By late fall it seemed somebody put lead in my shoes. Workouts were work! Miserable work. And I kept looking back. I WAS better than this. Past tense. WAS!! I know things change. My body has been through and is going through a lot. And yet I keep looking back. I know it's not smart. And I keep doing it!!!! I need to let go and accept that I'm still able to run and ride or do whatever I choose. I should be okay with that. And then I look over my shoulder at "old Sven." And he shakes his head and asks what the hell is going on?

And right now I have no answer. It really hurts deep down. And I know it is somewhat beyond my control. It's just that my tine chimp brain just won't listen to reason!!

So I'm going to try a new approach. New year. New ideas. NO MORE DAMN COMPARING!! I've started a new decade in life (60's) so it's time to wipe the slate clean. Every day is a chance for a new age related PR. Basically I can only get faster and go farther. At least that's my thinking. 

I have a sneaking hunch that race season 2021, if it even happens, will be a new experience. This year I am choosing to call races "events." Now don't assume I won't be pushing myself to whatever limits my body will allow. I just get the feeling that speed is a thing of the past. Endurance isn't a huge concern. I can always stop and rest, right?? It will be fun to experience some courses with a new outlook and maybe even enjoy the scenery. It will be fun to be able to talk with others instead of gasping for breath. I'm going to have fun. Not that races aren't fun, it's a different type of fun. No second guessing how the race could have/should have gone. No chasing that break. No trying to drop that runner on my heels. I still want to do well. I want to experience that endorphin rush. That feeling when everything clicks and you know it's your day. It's just going to be at a bit slower pace. And I'm fine with that. REALLY! I've done a few races over the years and honestly don't feel that I have much left to prove. 

Today is my day off from work. Seems like a good day to start this forward looking plan. I'm going to take each day as it comes and accept what it gives me. I'll celebrate the good days and deal with the less than stellar days. I will be happy to get out and enjoy the miles, no matter the distance and whether they be slow or fast. Much better than no miles. 

If you hear my whining and complaining feel free to give me a swift kick in the chamois. If I'm bitching about this or that ache or pain or how slow I feel, remind me that the alternative is the couch of doom.....or worse. No promises that there won't be some back sliding but I will be working on this. Call it my 2021 training goal. Now I'm going to see what today has waiting for me.

Thanks for following along and putting up with some of my whiny posts. I appreciate it more than you all can imagine. Like I said above, this helps me sort out my feeling and thoughts. It's helped me deal with this past year. Comments and questions are always appreciated. And as always......FUCK CANCER!