Okay, maybe I’m not superhuman!

 

There are a few people who may want to be seated when they read this post. You know who you are. 

I went back to work on December 21. With my southern swing schedule I just finished my first 7 days on stretch before my days off.  As I got ready to return I assumed I was ready. My last radiation treatment was December 7. That gave me two weeks to rest up. That should be plenty to let my body recover. I figured I would hit the ground running and it would be situation normal. Steady as she goes.  I may have overestimated my recovery and readiness just a bit. 

It felt good to be back. In 40 years at work, 10 weeks off is the most time I have ever missed. I eased back in as best as I could. I work in a paper mill. Blue collar. Lots of walking. Usually 10,000 plus steps. In steel toed shoes, hard hat, high vis clothes, cut resistant gloves and of course a mask. On and off a forklift. Readying railcars for product. Opening and closing railcar doors. Fairly physical work. When the railcars ship out doors in the train shed are obviously open. So it gets a bit chilly. It’s December in Wisconsin. It’s warm. It’s cold. Days are never the same. 

Day one went okay. I was a little tired by the end of my shift. But not bad. I chalked it up to not being accustomed to waking up at 4:30 a.m. My sleep quality is still not exactly optimal so I figured I would be a bit tuckered out. I got some running and riding in the first few days back. Nothing out of the ordinary. At least I didn’t feel it was. 

Things slowly started adding up day by day. Sleep suffered. Quality and amount. The joint pain I had earlier has returned with a vengeance. The last couple days the fatigue was honestly overwhelming. I actually fell asleep mid conversation. Not listening. Talking! Toss in a couple crappy commutes in snowy conditions. I was beat. I was angry at myself for not hitting my workouts. I was depressed. 

Now of course I kept training. A couple days running. A few Zwift rides. There might have even been a day of doubling up. I felt slow. Legs of lead while running. The rides weren’t much better. Trying to hit certain wattages felt tough. Tougher than it should have felt. I kept pushing for a few days. Hey, I have never claimed to be smart. Stubborn, yes. Smart, no! 

It was like a car wreck in slow motion. I could see things getting worse but kept ignoring the situation. I just kept hoping things would return to normal. But that wasn’t happening. 

It was time to take a step back. I’ve taken a few days away from training. A day off is rare for me. My body usually responds well to training stress. The more the better. I guess I didn’t factor in dealing with cancer and the treatments. I’m sure the lack of testosterone isn’t helping. 

The rest seems to be helping. I am still tired as hell. I still ache like hell. Sleep quality sucks. But I feel better. If that makes sense. 

I’m going to rethink my short term goals. They really aren’t overly ambitious but maybe I need to tone them down a skosh. I’m really beginning to think that 2021 will be a rebuilding year. I’ve been dealing with my cancer for all of 2020, from the first appointment and tests to today. I suppose I can’t expect to get back to the amazing fitness level I was at overnight. 😁

So if you see me ramping things up too quick feel free to knock me down a peg or two. I apparently don’t have the sense to pay attention to common sense. 

That’s enough for now. Thanks for allowing me to vent. I needed it. Comments and questions are always welcome.   

Chapter Two

 

I'll bet you'll be glad when I return to work so I don't have so much time to sit and think! And write!

Let's move on to some more positive posts. Looking ahead. Starting over. Moving on. Putting the past truly behind. Reset. 

I really like that last idea. Reset. I wish it was that simple. Push a button and start fresh. I know it isn't going to be that easy. I know I have some hard work ahead of me. I am still amazed at how much I've lost and how fast it disappeared. I have been keeping active, running and riding, but the fitness slipped through my fingers. 

The effects of the radiation therapy are slowly fading away . They are not entirely gone but definitely fading. I still have to deal with the effects of the Lupron injection. Shutting down testosterone production and training isn't an ideal combination. The research and reading I've been doing are somewhat positive though. The opinion is to definitely keep exercising. I was told to keep up weight bearing exercise due to the chance of losing bone density. Running. Weight lifting. Keep the bones strong. I haven't been to the gym since late spring. That was one chance I didn't want to risk with COVID-19 and cancer. I've been rethinking that lately. Maybe hitting the gym at off hours. I returned to work on December 21. Back on day shift. I could probably roust my lazy ass out of bed and hit the gym before work. It shouldn't be to packed at 4:00 a.m.  And I will still be wearing a mask. Just to start slowly. I know I've lost muscle mass. I may not be able to put on piles of muscle but it would be nice to just hold steady or gain back a small amount. 

I've also let my running slide. More than I should. And that is entirely my fault. My last really good run was at the end of September. I tossed a hard 5K in the middle of my run. 23:40. 7:37 pace. I hadn't run that fast since.... well I honestly can't remember. I anchored a triathlon relay leg in the fall of 2019 and didn't run that fast. But apparently the hormone therapy hadn't caught up in September AND I hadn't started radiation. My pace, energy and endurance went downhill faster than an Olympic bobsled. Which pissed me off and frustrated the hell out of me. So instead of suffering I spent more time on the bike(s). It seemed easier on my body. Less aches. Plus I could coast occasionally. When I eventually got to the top of the hill.  I could go farther with less effort, which made a huge difference some days. Maybe I should have sucked it up and done shorter runs at an easier pace. Some days it didn't matter what I did, it just sucked. And I couldn't wrap my tiny, proud, middle of the pack, weekend athlete, man brain around the fact that I was sick and my body was under stress.  If you're a "serious" recreational athlete ( and I use that phrase very loosely ) you know what I mean. The fatigue/tiredness/feeling of dragging an anchor hasn't let up-yet. I'm hoping that with time it will.  

Thus begins what I'm going to call Chapter Two. The Comeback. I'm going to be smart about this comeback. And patient. I do know I won't be back to pre-cancer Dustin overnight. I honestly don't know what to expect. I do believe I will be back to where I was. I'm hopeful I will be back stronger. Right now I'm happy to be running and riding. Despite all the grumbling and grousing, I'm happy. I'm sure I will get frustrated. I just need to work on that patience! I'm going to bastardize a Lance Armstrong quote and say all my days are good. Some are just better than others. 

My short term goals are realistic. I keep thinking they are too easy. But they're not. I need realistic and attainable goals. They may seem easy to some but I have to start somewhere. I'm starting my running with a 5K plan. I've set a goal for a 29:00 5K by March 13. That's 9:20 pace. To me that seems slow. Maybe I should say to the "old" me that seems slow. To 2020 me it means I have some work to do. This isn't a given. I need the goal and structure to keep me honest and get me out the door. If for some reason it starts getting easy, and I don't think it will, I can adjust the plan. By the middle of March my Lupron injection should be wearing off and I should be getting some testosterone in my system. Hopefully this will give me some energy and I'll be able to build some muscle mass again. I guess it's a game of wait and see.

My short term goal for the bike is get some power and endurance back. Again, I know my goals seem easy and a bit low. Again, I assure you they're not. I did a short FTP test on Zwift on December 13. I won't mention my result. I'm not happy. But it's a starting point. I would like to sneak in a race or two in 2021 and I need some goals and structure to get me to the starting line and over the finish line. 

At this point I believe 2021 will be a rebuilding year for me. I will be entering a new age group (60-64) at the beginning of the year. To me that means new competition and a chance for new PB's. I don't plan on setting the world on fire. But I want to be competitive. That doesn't mean winning. It means doing the best I can. Maybe a step faster than 2020 me. If that's DFL, fine. I can deal with that as long as I give it my all. 

I'll also be honest and admit I don't know what 2021 will bring health-wise. I believe I have kicked cancer's ass. We'll see. I don't have another follow up visit until the beginning of March. Until then it's wait and see. In "The Rancid Walnut" R. Steven Heaps wrote that PSA stands for Periodic Simulation of Anxiety. That's what it will be like until March! Whatever 2021 brings, Chapter Two will be interesting. 

Thanks again for following this crazy journey. It's a story I never imagined writing. Now I can't imagine not chronicling it. …”sometimes we don’t reveal our secret stories for ourselves but for others whose secret stories are the same-and the secret wants out.” (Michael Perry-Montaigne In Barn Boots)

Leave comments. Ask questions. I'll address any and all of them. With more information than you might want!

FUCK CANCER!

Thoughts and thanks. Friends and family. New and old.

Bear with me on this one. It was more difficult to write than I imagined. I had to deal with a myriad of emotions. And I still am!

My last day of radiation therapy for prostate cancer was December 7. I began treatment on October 14. Prior to that I began hormone therapy to block my testosterone on September 4. And to begin this whole interesting ride I had robotic assisted prostate surgery on May 5. If I had to really nail down the day it all began I would say it began on February 28 with the results of my biopsy. Lots of dates to remember. Trust me, they are all chiseled in my head. 

 I had no idea what to expect  when I started.  None! I mistakenly believed I would sail through with no changes to my life. Boy was I wrong. Some side effects and treatments were worse than others. The one constant throughout all of this was people. That seems like a pretty broad subject. Let me try and break it down. 

To say I was nervous heading in to surgery is putting it mildly. Scared is a better term. My only other surgery was to fix a hernia. Outpatient surgery. In and out the same day. No big deal. This was a level of scared I have never dealt with. They were going to take out something that was trying to kill me. No real guarantees what would be found until the doctor got in there. In the days leading up to surgery I tried to act like it was no big deal. Believe me when I say I'm a pretty good actor. What helped immensely was family, friends and coworkers. Whether they knew it or not they really kept me occupied and kept my mind off of the seriousness. Some riding and running in the days leading up to surgery really helped keep my overactive mind quiet. 

Surgery went well. I can’t thank enough my doctor, the nurses and all the others involved in my care and recovery. I like to think being a model patient made their job easier. 😁

Once I returned home and began my recovery I was honestly amazed by the care and concern of my friends and family. It’s said (not sure by whom) that you really find your true friends when you’re down. Tammy and I totally believe it! Care packages arrived. Food was delivered. Calls, emails and texts were received and shared. It was all appreciated beyond words. 

Especially when COVID was added to the heap to complicate matters. 

The lull between surgery and hormone therapy and radiation treatments had people constantly checking in with us. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard “if there is anything you need.” 

When radiation treatment started people continued to reach out. Offers to help with the drive back and forth to Appleton every day if needed. Constant reminders of “you’ve got this.” Easy bike rides with very patient friends. Coworkers checking in to let me know what I was missing. 😂 Family politely reminding me to take it easy. 

When my treatment wrapped up the response from people was a bit overwhelming. I don’t know any other way to say it. I was at a loss for words. Hard to tell that right now, isn’t it?! I won’t even try to mention everyone and everything. Just know that Tammy and I are grateful for it all. 

I have to send huge thanks to everyone involved my care and treatment. From the beginning Tammy and I were always kept up to date and informed. The surgery team was awesome and my care was outstanding. 

All the follow up visits were excellent. 

Once I started radiation treatment I experienced a level of care, concern and compassion that blew me away. I had a simulation prior to starting and a lengthy discussion with a nurse and Dr. Ray, my radiation oncologist. I was still nervous as hell walking in Thedacare Regional Cancer Center on that first day. I didn’t know what to expect. All the possible side effects were swirling through my head along with a multitude of other unpleasant thoughts. I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle 38 days. My fears were 99 percent unfounded-some of the side effects weren’t! Everyone in that building went above and beyond to make me feel comfortable. Pleasant. Friendly. Compassionate. Caring. So many other qualities to help settle my nerves and make the visits as easy as possible. As the days passed I felt like I was part of a new family. From the temperature scanner at the door remembering me day to day, and over weekends, to the registration check in team who many days had my information at hand before I could even verify my name and birthdate, to everyone in what I'm going to call "Area 4." 

Here's how my day usually went. I arrived usually a bit early for my 10:00 a.m. treatment. I headed in and would get my temperature scan at the door. It was the same two or three people. By the end of the second week, they knew me. Along with all the same questions they tried to change it up to see if people were actually listening or just giving the same answers out of habit. "How was supper last night? Did it taste good? Everything stay down okay?" Little things made the days easier! Then it was up to registration. After the first day, I would be handed a swipe card to enter the radiation treatment area. It has a separate waiting area. As I mentioned above, by about the second week they would see me coming and would usually have all my information up on their computer. Name and birthdate. Hand me a swipe card and away I would go. Always friendly and polite. Once back in the radiation area I would try to hang up my coat and sit for a minute before they came and got me. Most days I wasn't very successful. Even being up to 15 minutes early some days I rarely waited. It was the same group of techs every day. And another amazing group. They always checked to see how I felt. How was I doing? Plans for the day? How was your weekend? When I did my ride home from Appleton they wanted to know how it went. Was I nuts? One was a runner so that day would end up talking about training and racing. I felt like a person and not just a patient. Trust me, there is a HUGE difference. Tuesdays were the days I saw the doctor. Dr. Ray and his nurse were always positive and concerned. Always checking for problems, side effects or anything out of the ordinary. My questions were answered straightforwardly. Maybe not what I wanted to hear but no beating around the exam room. After my approximately 15 minute visit I was done for the day. Many days I was out of the building before my appointment time! Towards the end I started getting questioned-"How many days left?" From the volunteers doing temperature scans to registration and all the way through. It felt good to hear those personal questions. I also had a nurse liaison who checked in with Tammy and me. Always inquiring about how my treatments were going. Was there anything we needed? Anything they could do? Did we need help with getting to and from appointments?  Like I said, it felt like a new family, albeit one I never imagined I would be a part of.

I haven't said much about my last appointment. It still brings up some very strong emotions. It started even before I entered the building. There are signs outside the door and in the parking lot. Positive and hopeful. "You've got this." "We are so proud of you." I had been looking at those every day. When I checked in and got my swipe card I was told "congratulations, you've done great." I had a certificate of completion from the entire staff. After I saw Dr. Ray I was asked if I wanted to ring the bell. Damn right!! Some of the staff followed outside. Tammy and my son Travis were there also. Ringing that bell was one of the proudest and most emotional moments of my life. To say a few tears were shed is an understatement. 

Wow, this has become a bit long winded, even for me. Bear with me. I'm getting there. 

I guess where I'm headed is what (or who) helped get me through this. I seriously wouldn't have had as easy a time as I did without friends and family. If I don't personally mention you, trust me, you are appreciated more than you know. It's just been a bit overwhelming at times!

First family. My wife Tammy has stood by me from day one. You may think that's just natural, but I don't necessarily believe that. When the shit hits the fan some partners just can't or won't deal with things. Tammy put up with me through good and bad days, and trust me there were days I wasn't the model patient. Her support, belief and love were the light that kept me going! To the moon......

My parents were amazing. Offering support and strength. Positive phone calls with laughter and stories. Thanksgiving food to-go plates. Cookies-way too many of those! The constant check-ins were amazing. 

My sisters. Trish, the quiet one who stood beside me while dealing with her own issues. Tacit love and strength I always knew was there. And then there is the vocal one! Amy. Princess High and Mighty Queen Bee Told You So Boss of the World. And I mean that in a very proud and loving way. When my stubbornness got out of hand and I tried to do more than was sensible she quickly swooped in and reminded me what an idiot I was. Kindly and caringly. I think there were days that she and Tammy ganged up on me! 

Tammy's brothers. Bob and his family. Mark and his family. Always checking in to see what's what and what's needed. 

Our kids. And I do mean Our Kids. Lara, Chelsea, Travis and Glenn. And their better halves. And all the grandkids. From care packages, custom t-shirts, custom Team Sven/Fuck Cancer sign, video chats, texts, and socially distant visits, they were bright rays of sunshine. They mad me laugh and cry, sometimes at the same time! And they occasionally chastised me too when I got to big for my britches!

Friends. Wow, where to start?! Todd and Suzanne. Their friendship was another shining star. From slow roll bike rides for beer to care packages and everything in between. They never let me get down or let me take myself too seriously. I mean, c'mon. They patiently dragged my tired butt through a gravel ride in the middle of an October snow squall. That's friendship!! Seriously though, it's said when the chips are down you find out who your friends are. 

Mike, Julie and Ruby. Always checking in and supportive. And because green Jello is for boys!

Myles, whose slightly frightening visage I am staring at now. Don't ask. Checking in. Meeting for a beer to keep an eye on me. Waiting for me to go take a leak so he could ask Tammy, "how is he really?" It seemed like he knew when I needed a visit.

Becky and John. Keeping tabs and reminding me this isn't the end of the road (or trail.) 

Rachel and Ben. For all the check ins and a rare opportunity to race. Gentlemen's pace my ass!

Our neighbors, Pam and Roger. Checking in and keeping track of us. And shaking their heads as I headed out for another ride or run! Good neighbors are hard to find. Great neighbors are like a needle in a haystack!

So many other friends keeping tabs on us and sending positive thoughts. It seems like an endless list some days and Tammy and I are so grateful for all of you. 

Friends and groups on social media were a help too. Members of Mind Over Matter Alphas and Fxck Endurance Club. A thumbs up here and there did more than you can imagine. And realizing that I'm not the only one who is going through some shit!! Some days that really put things in perspective! Two groups I never thought I would be a part of and damn proud to be a member now!

The list is seemingly endless, at least to me. When I step away for a moment another name and memory pops up. Tammy and I are truly fortunate to have all of you in our life. This wasn't fun, but it was easier with all of you. When life returns to normal there will be a driveway fire and adult beverages to share. If you are a part of this story, you're invited. And if you weren't directly involved and want to see how so many great people can change one life, you're invited too!!

Done! Okay, now what?

I am done! Finished! I have completed 38 days of radiation treatment for prostate cancer. 5 days a week for 7 1/2 weeks. I did get a day off on Thanksgiving. Approximately 15 minutes a day. I got to know the people I saw everyday. And they got to know me, on a first name basis.  So…now what? That’s the $64,000 question, isn’t it? At least it is for me. 

First on the agenda is to get healthy. Wait, isn’t that what I have been doing? Yes…but…maybe I should say get back to where I feel healthy. Back to where I feel like the old me, minus the cancer. 

I went in to radiation therapy with the belief that I was going to proceed with life as normal. Situation status quo. I may have been wrong?😮 Imagine that! It took a few weeks but the side effects finally began to rear their ugly heads. Fatigue was the worst for me. The hot flashes from the Lupron shot are really affecting my sleep. I am really happy when I get two straight hours of sleep before I am awakened soaking wet. It doesn't last  long and I generally fall asleep again, once I've risen and toweled off. And then it happens again. Repeat three or four times a night. I usually sneak in a short nap sometime during the day but the fatigue slowly builds up. It will be late spring before the side effects of the Lupron subside. I can't wait to sleep through the night! 😴

I can't wait to be rid of the joint pain and aches from the Lupron injection. These seem to be completely random in occurrence. Day to day activity seems to have no rhyme or reason to their happening. When it does occur it can be a dull ache or feel like somebody is trying to pull my joints apart, mainly the hips or knees, but it has flared up in almost every joint. I know I'm old and things ache, but c'mon!! It will be nice to have the usual aches and pains of getting older and from a hard workout.

I can't wait to get some muscle strength and stamina back. Another wonderful side effect of Lupron is loss of muscle mass. Testosterone can help fuel prostate cancer cells. Lupron blocks testosterone. which affects lean muscle mass. I figured that I would just bypass that side effect along with the others. I may have misjudged again. I didn't notice it at first, but like fatigue, it slowly crept up on me. And then it kicked my ass! Two races on the same course brought the realization home for me. The first one was before my injection and radiation therapy began. Two hard and fast laps at the Brown County Reforestation Camp on August 15. I felt strong. Fast. I flowed through the single track. I powered up the punchy climbs. My second lap was only forty-seven seconds slower that the first. I felt great. As close to that mystical sense of being in the “zone” as I have been in a very long time. The second race was seven weeks after my injection and two and one half weeks after radiation therapy began. November 1. Same course, mostly. One lap. I felt tired and slow right off the start line. The same little climbs from August felt like mountains. I usually spin out my single speed on the two track sections. Not so this day. I felt slow and clumsy on the bike when I usually feel like the bike and I are one. I had a little "incident" while the first place rider in our age class and I were pushing through the single track. When I saw Tom riding away I just quit. Mentally and physically. Normally I would have chased until I exploded. It just wasn't there. Not that I didn't want to push. I couldn't push. My one lap that day was slower than either lap in August. The perceived effort was so much higher in November. Looking at other information (heart rate, cadence, speed) it shows that my treatment was catching up. I prefer to think of it as my treatment was working and my body was doing all it could. 

I am planning (hoping) to get back to where I was in late 2019/early 2020. At Reforestation in 2019 I ran a 5K trail race before the mountain bike race. That wasn't even an option this year. At least I realized that! Now, before everybody jumps all over me, I plan on coming back slow and smart. 2021 may end up being a total rebuild/recover year. I know my health and fitness won't come back overnight. There are a couple other side effects I would like to rid from my body. I hope to get my energy level back to normal. I need to shed a few pounds (another jolly side effect of Lupron-weight gain. Less muscle mass, more ass!)  I would like to get back to the point where the climbs around Waupaca don't feel like the Swiss Alps. I hate to admit but I have been to the point where I considered walking up a couple hills. I'm hoping to race in 2021. I’ll be entering a new age group. Hopefully a real pin on a bib event. I won't make any guarantees on my competitiveness. But you can be damn sure I will give it my all. 

My plan is to take a few weeks now and relax. I need to process what I’ve been through. I need to get back to work and pay some bills. Maybe sneak in some easy rides and runs, preferably outside. Beginning January 1, 2021 it will be time to get serious. I need to sit down and work on a plan. Set some concrete goals. Research some races to work towards. I need to work on getting some strength back while I get back to my fighting weight. Some flexibility would help with the stiffness and aches. It will be an uphill battle but it can’t be harder than kicking cancer’s ass! 

Well…that’s all I have for now. Unfortunately I do have more to say. I just need time to put those thoughts in to words. There really is a lot swirling around my little brain today. Once I sort out some thoughts and emotions I will put finger to keyboard. 

Thank you to everyone who has followed along so far. The trip isn’t over. This is just the first leg of the journey. I appreciate all the reads and comments. I’m also up for any questions. 

And one more time- FUCK CANCER!  

Frustration

It's me!! That's who!! Did you guess? 

Even though I've preached and written about patience, acceptance and remaining positive, I still struggle. I'm human. I occasionally push harder than is wise. I still look back at pre-cancer me and expect to be that person. This probably seems like I am constantly repeating the same topics and issues. I'm hoping that by continually purging my busy little brain that I'll make some sense and eventually listen to myself. 

That means today I'm visiting, or maybe revisiting frustration. I had good and bad days all rolled in to one this past weekend. I did a run each morning. I followed that up with some yoga and core work. After I refueled I finished each day off with a bike ride. None of these were hard, fast or far. Saturday was a beautiful day by central Wisconsin standards for the end of November. Close to 50 degrees and sunshine. I did my ride with Tammy and some of my favorite back roads. Sunday wasn't as nice but I almost replicated Saturday. So why the frustration you ask? You did ask, right?

For me it can be tied to the above not far, fast or hard. Especially during my run each day. I kept glancing at my watch and the pace and heart rate it was showing. I keep comparing my running to the half marathon I ran in the middle of September. Before you all jump on my back, yes I know things have changed. I hadn't started radiation yet. I had a pacer/company on that day. The weather was really perfect. I do know these things. And it still frustrates the hell out of me. I ran hard on Sunday. It felt hard. I could have maybe pushed faster but not much. I was almost 45 seconds per mile slower for 3 miles as I was for my half marathon. And I hurt! That's one reason I added the yoga. Otherwise I probably would be sorer and stiffer than I am today. 

The rides felt the same. I keep comparing them to the race I did in the middle of August. Yeah, again, I know. Things have changed. I felt so strong in August. 20 plus miles of single track on my single speed. It felt effortless. I was as close to being in the zone as I've been in years. Saturday was a decent ride. I rode with Tammy and we enjoyed that 50 degree weather. Not far or fast but it was a good ride. Sunday's ride was totally different. I knew from the start it was going to be a battle. The wind felt relentless and cold. I had plans for a longer ride but wisely chose a route that allowed me shortcuts if needed. And it was needed. I came close to walking up a hill that I used to fly up. It took me almost twice as long as usual. That was the point I knew it was time to head for home. 

Okay, again, I know I'm not quite the rider/runner I was a few months ago. I know (hope) it will come back. It just is so frustrating to work so hard and feel like I'm going backwards. It's hard for my tiny brain to accept that my body is working hard just to get healthy. Believe me, I constantly tell myself to relax and just be glad to be able to ride and run at all. And it is a battle, but I think I'm finally relaxing and allowing myself some slack. 

My last couple rides to start this week were better. I got back on the trainer and did a couple rides on Zwift. I even did a virtual race. Granted down a category or two from my last Zwift events but I relaxed and just played around. 

I started December with a cold loop around the Hartman Creek single track with Tammy. Easy peasy. I felt good. Dare I say even a little stronger than normal.

I'm hoping some easy days and the end of radiation treatments will start nudging me back to normal. I'm not expecting huge improvements. It's going to be spring before the hormone therapy shot begins to wear off. So, I'll have good and bad days. And continue to be frustrated on occasion, but the end is in sight. And I won't give up or stop trying. Slow and steady, right? I seem to be good at that!

Thanks for following my endless ramblings. I appreciate it. It helps me work out my feelings and thoughts. As always, comments and questions are always welcome.

Until next time....get out and run, ride, or whatever gets you moving. Oh yeah, and FUCK CANCER!