Chapter Two

 

I'll bet you'll be glad when I return to work so I don't have so much time to sit and think! And write!

Let's move on to some more positive posts. Looking ahead. Starting over. Moving on. Putting the past truly behind. Reset. 

I really like that last idea. Reset. I wish it was that simple. Push a button and start fresh. I know it isn't going to be that easy. I know I have some hard work ahead of me. I am still amazed at how much I've lost and how fast it disappeared. I have been keeping active, running and riding, but the fitness slipped through my fingers. 

The effects of the radiation therapy are slowly fading away . They are not entirely gone but definitely fading. I still have to deal with the effects of the Lupron injection. Shutting down testosterone production and training isn't an ideal combination. The research and reading I've been doing are somewhat positive though. The opinion is to definitely keep exercising. I was told to keep up weight bearing exercise due to the chance of losing bone density. Running. Weight lifting. Keep the bones strong. I haven't been to the gym since late spring. That was one chance I didn't want to risk with COVID-19 and cancer. I've been rethinking that lately. Maybe hitting the gym at off hours. I returned to work on December 21. Back on day shift. I could probably roust my lazy ass out of bed and hit the gym before work. It shouldn't be to packed at 4:00 a.m.  And I will still be wearing a mask. Just to start slowly. I know I've lost muscle mass. I may not be able to put on piles of muscle but it would be nice to just hold steady or gain back a small amount. 

I've also let my running slide. More than I should. And that is entirely my fault. My last really good run was at the end of September. I tossed a hard 5K in the middle of my run. 23:40. 7:37 pace. I hadn't run that fast since.... well I honestly can't remember. I anchored a triathlon relay leg in the fall of 2019 and didn't run that fast. But apparently the hormone therapy hadn't caught up in September AND I hadn't started radiation. My pace, energy and endurance went downhill faster than an Olympic bobsled. Which pissed me off and frustrated the hell out of me. So instead of suffering I spent more time on the bike(s). It seemed easier on my body. Less aches. Plus I could coast occasionally. When I eventually got to the top of the hill.  I could go farther with less effort, which made a huge difference some days. Maybe I should have sucked it up and done shorter runs at an easier pace. Some days it didn't matter what I did, it just sucked. And I couldn't wrap my tiny, proud, middle of the pack, weekend athlete, man brain around the fact that I was sick and my body was under stress.  If you're a "serious" recreational athlete ( and I use that phrase very loosely ) you know what I mean. The fatigue/tiredness/feeling of dragging an anchor hasn't let up-yet. I'm hoping that with time it will.  

Thus begins what I'm going to call Chapter Two. The Comeback. I'm going to be smart about this comeback. And patient. I do know I won't be back to pre-cancer Dustin overnight. I honestly don't know what to expect. I do believe I will be back to where I was. I'm hopeful I will be back stronger. Right now I'm happy to be running and riding. Despite all the grumbling and grousing, I'm happy. I'm sure I will get frustrated. I just need to work on that patience! I'm going to bastardize a Lance Armstrong quote and say all my days are good. Some are just better than others. 

My short term goals are realistic. I keep thinking they are too easy. But they're not. I need realistic and attainable goals. They may seem easy to some but I have to start somewhere. I'm starting my running with a 5K plan. I've set a goal for a 29:00 5K by March 13. That's 9:20 pace. To me that seems slow. Maybe I should say to the "old" me that seems slow. To 2020 me it means I have some work to do. This isn't a given. I need the goal and structure to keep me honest and get me out the door. If for some reason it starts getting easy, and I don't think it will, I can adjust the plan. By the middle of March my Lupron injection should be wearing off and I should be getting some testosterone in my system. Hopefully this will give me some energy and I'll be able to build some muscle mass again. I guess it's a game of wait and see.

My short term goal for the bike is get some power and endurance back. Again, I know my goals seem easy and a bit low. Again, I assure you they're not. I did a short FTP test on Zwift on December 13. I won't mention my result. I'm not happy. But it's a starting point. I would like to sneak in a race or two in 2021 and I need some goals and structure to get me to the starting line and over the finish line. 

At this point I believe 2021 will be a rebuilding year for me. I will be entering a new age group (60-64) at the beginning of the year. To me that means new competition and a chance for new PB's. I don't plan on setting the world on fire. But I want to be competitive. That doesn't mean winning. It means doing the best I can. Maybe a step faster than 2020 me. If that's DFL, fine. I can deal with that as long as I give it my all. 

I'll also be honest and admit I don't know what 2021 will bring health-wise. I believe I have kicked cancer's ass. We'll see. I don't have another follow up visit until the beginning of March. Until then it's wait and see. In "The Rancid Walnut" R. Steven Heaps wrote that PSA stands for Periodic Simulation of Anxiety. That's what it will be like until March! Whatever 2021 brings, Chapter Two will be interesting. 

Thanks again for following this crazy journey. It's a story I never imagined writing. Now I can't imagine not chronicling it. …”sometimes we don’t reveal our secret stories for ourselves but for others whose secret stories are the same-and the secret wants out.” (Michael Perry-Montaigne In Barn Boots)

Leave comments. Ask questions. I'll address any and all of them. With more information than you might want!

FUCK CANCER!