Every little niggle

Time for another post. A little late but it's been a busy week. Let's get down to it!

Training, if it can be called that, has been mostly good. I had one day that just kicked my butt. It was supposed to be an easy run day. But the run kicked my butt. The relaxed pace felt tough. I felt stiff and achy. Breathing was a chore. Not sure what to blame it on. Weather? It was a little humid out, but not overly warm. Work? Maybe but I had a couple easy days at work so that's probably not a good excuse. Maybe the previous workout? I did speed (using that term very loosely here) intervals the day before. Tough workout but not hands on your knees puking at the end tough. Hmmm..... maybe just a tough day? Nah, that can't be it.

That's where this title arose. Every little ache, pain, odd feeling was in the back of my mind. Now what? What does this mean? What effing next?

This is what happens when I'm running or riding solo and let my mind wander unsupervised. 

And I really had no reason to let my mind go to those dark places. I actually have had a bunch of good runs and rides. The half marathon training plan I'm trying to follow is going well. I generally hit the paces I'm I need. A few have felt really good. I'm starting to get a few longer runs and they have felt good. The last one was at the low end of the pace it called for and it felt decent. I had a couple of rides that felt good. I had one windy ride that felt good even going in to the wind. I'm getting comfortable on the bike again. Almost ready to spend more time in the saddle and ramp up the miles. Maybe even a fall event, if any are still scheduled!

So why the nervous Nellie attitude? Here's my uneducated guess.

Things are going good. Some days too good. Feeling almost back to my old self. But.......Monday I have my first post-surgery PSA blood test. Of course I'm a little nervous. All the what ifs are popping up. What if the number is high? What if it shows cancer may still be present? Then I wait a couple of weeks for my 3 month follow up visit. What will that bring? The doctor has already mentioned the possibility of radiation and/or hormone treatments. If that is the case, what are the side effects? How will I feel? Does this put me back to square one? Will I miss more work? More medical bills? What next????

Now, I know a few people I know are going to spit up their morning coffee when I say, "this isn't my general attitude". I'm usually upbeat. Maybe a little cynical and I will admit I have my dark days, but I am trying to be positive throughout this. But the niggles are popping up. If you do any training and racing, you know the niggles. 

They pop up during your taper. Every little ache and pain is the end of the world. All that hard work down the drain. That stone in your shoe suddenly becomes plantar fasciitits. An achy knee turns to a torn ACL. 

This is how I'm feeling. A little ache in the back is some rare disease. A tough day breathing in the heat and humidity are those "multiple small pulmonary nodules" that are "nonspecific and may be incidental" becoming something specific. 

It helps that I know I'm not alone in going down the dark road. I've been reading other posts from people dealing with cancer. When that next check up/test/exam is drawing near they get nervous. And maybe a little scared and angry. That's where I am right now. Uncertain, unsure and a bit in the dark. 

It also helps to know I've got a great team behind me. Family. Friends. Medical professionals. I know I'm in good hands. And that I'm ready to deal with whatever comes next. Whatever "that" is, I'm ready. I'm not down yet. I'll stay positive. I've got a hell of a lot of fight left in me, if it comes to that. Until then, one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. One pedal stroke at a time. 

Thanks for reading this and following along. As always, comments, questions and general observations are welcome. I hope everyone is doing well in these crazy times. Until next time......keep putting in those miles. No matter what. No matter the excuses. No matter the niggles!

 

Coming to grips with it

Back for another post. This will probably be more random ramblings than update. I haven't quite decided where this is going. We'll see where my generally confused mind takes me!

First, this isn't going to be a post about what the title appears to suggest. It won't be about dealing with any health issues. I haven't had any follow up visits yet so it's steady as she goes right now.

This is about dealing with getting older and slowing down. I may have addressed this in a past post but if I have I need to do it again. Sorry.

I guess this has been rolling around in my mind since I got back on the bike at the end of June. I knew the first few rides would be slow. I was testing out how I felt. Checking to see if anything hurt. Making sure I wasn't doing any damage. The rides were mostly easy. I'll admit I pushed a few times each ride, just to see if I could and enjoy a little speed and pain. I put in 76 miles the week ending July 5 and 83 miles for the week ending July 12. That may seem like a big jump from 0 miles. Again, very easy. Usually 30ish miles or less. I was a bit tight and sore after a couple rides but that's just getting back my bike muscles. What kept rumbling around in my head was how quickly I tired when I did push the effort up a notch or two. My legs tired faster than normal. It felt like I was trying to breathe through a straw. I don't think the tingling sensation and black spots in my vision were normal either. Just kidding-maybe!? 

My last ride was a nice loop over to Weyauwega. I hit some roads I haven't been down before. I always wondered where they went and it seemed like a good day to explore. I put in a good effort a couple times but again I ran out of steam so fast. When I hit Weyauwega and the headwind back to Waupaca I was beat. My head was down, shoulders slumped and I felt defeated.

I had a run earlier in the week that left me feeling the same way. It was a 5 mile progression run. Easy warm up. 20 minutes at 9:42-10:42 pace. No problem. The pace was towards the quick end of that range. I felt good. Then it was 10 minutes at 7:42-8:02 pace. Whoa! Who tossed out the anchor. It just wasn't there! I managed low 8's but nowhere near what the plan called for. Now, maybe speed work repeats the day before in the heat weren't wise, but again, that's what the plan called for. And they felt good. Fast and comfortable leg turnover. Decent recovery between efforts. I got back from that progression run feeling down and really beating myself up inside. 

A few days rest and rumination and I'm feeling better about myself and my fitness. Not 100% pleased but "coming to grips with it"! I realize and I'm trying to accept that I'm not 40 anymore. Or even 50. Days of constant shift work, training and racing on the weekend are long past. Knowing with confidence that I can hit all the marks in my training are long gone. Lining up at a local race and knowing I'm prepared and strong are memories. 

Now, before everyone chimes in, I'm not looking for pity. I know I'm lucky. I am still able to put one foot in front of the other and toss a leg over my bikes. And I'm am beyond grateful for that. Not everyone who wants that is able to do that. I was living in the past for a few days. Not exactly glory days but better days. 

Okay, enough whining. My solution is to enjoy every mile. Some may not be what I want or expect, but they will all be appreciated. Solo miles. Miles with friends. Easy days and competition. At the end of the day every turn of the pedal and every foot fall. It's a better option than sulking on the couch and wishing for tailwinds and sunny days. My days of PR's and KOM's are mostly done. My days of getting outside and enjoying new backroads and fresh trails are not over. 

All right, enough bitching for today. I'm enjoying a rare unplanned day off. I'm waiting for the rain to end and the skies to clear. The plan calls for strides today. And they'll get done. I'm not going to dwell on paces. It is what it is. That may be cliche, but it's true. I'm not a professional and nothing is hinging on my workout. If the legs feel good I may even sneak out for a little ride. And I'll enjoy every mile. Trust me!

As always, thanks for reading. I welcome comments, good or bad! Until next week....smile and enjoy the miles for what they are!

Slowly plugging along

Back again! A few days late, but give me a break. It's a holiday week and I'm on vacation!

Last week was a pretty basic week. Nothing too exciting-other than I GOT BACK ON THE BIKE!!! It wasn't a long or fast ride. It was on one of my older bikes which helped keep the effort easy. But damn, it felt awesome. No pain, at least not after effects from surgery. My legs were a little sore but that was more from a 52/42 and 13-23 cassette. And maybe being a little bit out of shape.

My running has been going okay. Again, nothing spectacular. I've set a goal for a fall half marathon, if any are still being held. Maybe Whistlestop or the Birkie Trail Run Festival. It's mostly to give a little boost to my training and give me a training plan/schedule. It's a plan from Garmin and downloads to my watch. It makes it convenient and there really isn't any planning on my end. Just run when it tells me and try to stick to the distances and paces as well as I am able. It's still early in the plan so we'll see how it goes. Another plus for early this week was a nice run on the Ice Age Trail. My first real trail run since surgery. Again, not far or fast but I enjoyed every hot, humid, sweaty and pesky horse fly mile. 

This week is turning out to be just basic miles so far. Even the half marathon schedule is easy and slow, even for me. That's just fine since the weather has been close to 90°F every day along with swamp-like humidity. I don't really mind the weather but it isn't optimal for quality training. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Not much else is new or exciting. I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable 4th of July and you are all getting in some great summer miles. As always, thanks for reading. Comments and questions are always welcome. Until the next post.........

Ice Age Trail

Emmons Creek Barrens

              Back on the bike!