Tattoo Tuesday

 Hi! Welcome back. It’s been a few weeks since I posted an update. There hadn’t been a whole lot going on so I kept quiet. Amazing, I know! But…now that I have had time to think, here I go again. 

In my last post I wrote about receiving my Lupron injection and how I was ready to cope with the side effects. I may have been a little premature when I said they weren’t a big deal. The first week wasn’t bad. I’ve got this! Week two rolled around and I was very wrong. I had a couple days where I was sure that someone or something was trying to pull my joints apart. It was a constant and deep pain. Biofreeze was my friend. Arthritis strength Tylenol was part of my diet. For a few days I chalked the pain up to my half marathon training program. The only problem was that I was starting to taper. Mileage and effort were going down. And yet I hurt. Hurt almost to the point of tears. I hate to admit that. I like to think that I have a high pain tolerance. Maybe not quite as high as I thought. I continued running and riding, which actually helped. I finished my program with my own personal solo race. I squeezed out a 1:53:57 half marathon. Not blazing fast and just under my goal. I’ve never been good at hard all out efforts without some competition, so I was happy with the result. It didn’t hurt that Tammy rode along to help pace/push/pull me. Now that I have completed that program I have been adding more time on the bike. That has helped ease the pain a little. I’m still running because the weight bearing aspect was advised. Just not as much. Maybe it’s time to add some speed for a 5K. 

Now we come to the hot flashes. I said they were a rare occurrence. WERE. Past tense. Now they have become a bit more frequent. And intense. Looking like I just got out of the shower. Like I am sitting in front of a nice roaring fire. And then it’s gone. Sleeping has begun to be a battle of temperature regulation. Too many covers and I start to roast. Toss them off and once the hot flash has passed I freeze. Sleep quality isn’t quite optimal some nights. But I am doing my best to deal with it and not complain too much. And for any female acquaintances reading this and dealing with hot flashes and menopause, I now understand! 🥵

Now to the title of this post. I had my simulation and measurement appointment today. And I got my tattoos. A little mark on each hip and one on my pelvic area. Last post I said things were getting real. This really upped it a level or two. As soon as everything is cleared with insurance and my treatment plan is finalized radiation therapy starts. Most likely within seven to ten days. Today brought me back to reality. Somehow I keep hoping this is just a bad dream. I know it’s not. Some days I can ignore things. That’s not  a choice anymore. But I won’t let this beat me. It may slow me down for a bit. I was told that fatigue is a side effect and a very real one. So, that means I can sneak in a nap without feeling guilty. I may be a step slower or a pedal stroke behind. But I won’t quit. I’m hoping to get in a race or two. Red Granite Grinder is in a few weeks. It would be nice to enjoy some colorful miles on the backroads. Stump Farm trail races are a month away. It’s at one of my favorite courses. I may not bring my “A” game but you’re going to have to work to get by me in the single track. It looks like I’ll have time to get ready for these events. 

Well, that’s enough for now. I will post again once radiation starts. I’ll have a a little free time. You may get tired of my rambling. I hope not. It helps to put my thoughts and feelings into words. As always, thanks for reading and following along. Comments and questions are welcome. Now, I think I’ll step outside and cool off for a minute. Don’t mind me! 

It's starting to get real all over again!

Well, vacation is over. I'm back to work. I guess it's a good time for a new post. 

Three weeks of vacation went by way too fast. Not much was accomplished but the main thing is that I wasn't at work! I got to relax. Spend some time with friends and family, of course being safe and socially distant. I got in some good runs, rides and even managed an actual pin a bib on race. All in all a good vacation. 

Of course it wouldn't be right to go too long with out a few medical appointments. My appointment for my Lupron shot was last Friday, September 4. I've been doing pretty good on the whole keep your chin up positive attitude front. Honest. I won't say I don't have an occasional craptastic day, but if you were to ask my better half, Tammy, I've been good. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! Last Friday just seemed to bring everything back to reality. Shit got real for me. Again. The Lupron shot is the precursor to my radiation therapy. The Lupron will lower my androgen levels and cause any cancer to shrink or grow more slowly. The shot itself was no big deal. What felt like a hypodermic the size of a large knitting needle in my left butt cheek. A little bit of a bruised and achy posterior for a few days (still lingering today.) It is a six month dose but the effects could last up to nine months. I'm as ready as I can be for any side effects. Joint or muscle pain isn't a big deal. Not complaining but that's a normal day for me. Hot flashes are a rare occurrence for me but they do happen. So that would not be that big of an issue. Anything else I'll deal with. Not like I have a choice.

Again, it's the upcoming radiation therapy that has me thinking. The cancer is basically undetectable, but it's not gone. And I know it's something that will always be in the back of my mind. Every check up. Every appointment. Every test that gets run. What if it is back? I don't dwell on it. It's the hand that has been dealt me and life goes on. I won't change-much. I'll keep doing what I do and being who I am. But it will always be in that dark little spot in my mind. 

What has really helped me in all this is the support of friends and family. This wouldn't be as easy of a fight without all of you. I won't even try to list you all, but if you're reading this you are a big part of my life and I can never explain how important you are or how much you mean to me and Tammy. And not everyone on that growing list will see this but they still are critical to my journey. All the check ins. All the messages, texts, e-mails, phone calls, social media posts, rides and runs mean a lot. One recent incident brought home the love and concern of friends and family. Tammy and I were having a couple of beers with some friends. Again, yes socially distant! I was wearing a shirt that was a gift from one of our daughters. It had what I'm calling my logo on it. 

It was just the shirt I pulled on that day. Julie asked where her shirt was. I was amazed, floored and touched more that I let on (I hope.) Next thing I know we're contacting our daughter, Lara to see if she can make more. My sister gets wind and she asks her for shirts. More friends want shirts. There's talk of a get together when I'm done with treatment and hopefully everyone is wearing a shirt. Without getting to sappy, I've never felt anything like this. If I could explain it in words, I would. If you've read my ramblings here you know that I'm not exactly a wordsmith. I won't even attempt to describe the feeling other than it's very special.     

Well, that's definitely enough for tonight. Tired minds tend to babble on and it is late. 

Thank you again for reading and following along. It goes without saying that comments and questions are always welcome. And oh yeah-FUCK CANCER!