Letting go

 

Welcome back. It's been a couple weeks. Hopefully your 2021 is off to a good start. Mine.....well, I'm working on it. 

This post is probably going to be a rehash of past blogs. But I need to work things out in my head and putting fingers to keyboard usually helps. 

I was hoping that 2021 would start off with a bang. New year. New me. Hit the ground running, or biking, or whatever. If I am honest, I'd say it's been a mixed bag at this early date. 

I've been doing some Zwifting, with mixed results. For those of you not familiar with Zwift, it's an app/program that allows you to do virtual rides. Like a video game. If you have a "smart" trainer it even makes you work. Hills feel like hills. Downhills fly by. It's fun. When it works!! Apparently my trainer/iPad/bluetooth doesn't always get along. I'll be riding along, either in a group ride or structured workout and suddenly, NO CONNECTION!! My online rider coasts to a stop. If I'm lucky I can back out and reconnect. But that usually means I've lost the group or my workout starts from the beginning. I've had a little better luck using a laptop but it is so old and slow (like me!) that I need to start it up well before I want to ride. Maybe it will start Zwift, maybe not. I thing it depends on the weather! At least when (if) it finally connects it seems to stay connected. 

To make it more interesting I've been dealing with some numbness/tingling in my hands and feet. Stress? Bad bike position on the trainer? Some new and interesting medical malady? Who knows. It's a few weeks before I have my follow up. Getting in to see a doctor is damn near impossible. Maybe April?! I'm taking a few days off to see if it helps. Updates to follow. It's frustrating because I was feeling good on the bike. I have an old 1985 Trek 2000 on my trainer. Downtube shifters. 6 speed freewheel. 52/39 and 13-21. Probably not ideal but I was having good results. I was even sneaking in a few rides outside. Not long. Not fast. But outside. In January. In Wisconsin. They felt good too. Maybe not pre-2020 good but decent. I was hoping for a good start to 2021. Now I'm not as confident. 

Running has been a different story completely. To say the least it is frustrating. That's where this post's title comes from. I keep comparing 2020 and earlier to now. Right now a 10 minute per mile pace is tough. Honestly tough. Some days brutally tough. Then I get frustrated. And mad. And depressed. And then it goes downhill from there. I keep looking at last year. Running honestly felt effortless. Pre-surgery I felt as good as I have in years. I had the workouts and races to prove it. Even after surgery I felt good. My recovery went well and running fitness came back quickly. I had a great half marathon program. Posted my best 5K in 5+ years. By late fall it seemed somebody put lead in my shoes. Workouts were work! Miserable work. And I kept looking back. I WAS better than this. Past tense. WAS!! I know things change. My body has been through and is going through a lot. And yet I keep looking back. I know it's not smart. And I keep doing it!!!! I need to let go and accept that I'm still able to run and ride or do whatever I choose. I should be okay with that. And then I look over my shoulder at "old Sven." And he shakes his head and asks what the hell is going on?

And right now I have no answer. It really hurts deep down. And I know it is somewhat beyond my control. It's just that my tine chimp brain just won't listen to reason!!

So I'm going to try a new approach. New year. New ideas. NO MORE DAMN COMPARING!! I've started a new decade in life (60's) so it's time to wipe the slate clean. Every day is a chance for a new age related PR. Basically I can only get faster and go farther. At least that's my thinking. 

I have a sneaking hunch that race season 2021, if it even happens, will be a new experience. This year I am choosing to call races "events." Now don't assume I won't be pushing myself to whatever limits my body will allow. I just get the feeling that speed is a thing of the past. Endurance isn't a huge concern. I can always stop and rest, right?? It will be fun to experience some courses with a new outlook and maybe even enjoy the scenery. It will be fun to be able to talk with others instead of gasping for breath. I'm going to have fun. Not that races aren't fun, it's a different type of fun. No second guessing how the race could have/should have gone. No chasing that break. No trying to drop that runner on my heels. I still want to do well. I want to experience that endorphin rush. That feeling when everything clicks and you know it's your day. It's just going to be at a bit slower pace. And I'm fine with that. REALLY! I've done a few races over the years and honestly don't feel that I have much left to prove. 

Today is my day off from work. Seems like a good day to start this forward looking plan. I'm going to take each day as it comes and accept what it gives me. I'll celebrate the good days and deal with the less than stellar days. I will be happy to get out and enjoy the miles, no matter the distance and whether they be slow or fast. Much better than no miles. 

If you hear my whining and complaining feel free to give me a swift kick in the chamois. If I'm bitching about this or that ache or pain or how slow I feel, remind me that the alternative is the couch of doom.....or worse. No promises that there won't be some back sliding but I will be working on this. Call it my 2021 training goal. Now I'm going to see what today has waiting for me.

Thanks for following along and putting up with some of my whiny posts. I appreciate it more than you all can imagine. Like I said above, this helps me sort out my feeling and thoughts. It's helped me deal with this past year. Comments and questions are always appreciated. And as always......FUCK CANCER!

 

Happy New Year!

Finally! Time to put 2020 in the rearview mirror! I have no idea what 2021 has in store but I’m ready, or as ready as possible. I’m SO ready to kick this year to the curb and welcome 2021 with open arms. By saying that I mean prepared for whatever life throws at me. Last year was a bit of a whirlwind. Even though it was spread out over a year it feels like my life was turned upside down very quickly. I think I handled things pretty well, but of course I'm a little biased. 

As for what I have in store for 2021, that is a rather fluid plan at the moment. I know what I would like to do and accomplish but that plan depends on a lot of different things.

My work schedule is one of the big "ifs." At the end of 2020 my employer offered buy outs/early retirements to some employees. 4 people in the department I work in left on December 31. That may not seem like much but that is 4 people in a department of 16. Close to 140 years of experience. Now we're short handed. Training new employees. On top of considerably more work. 12 hour shifts. Time off being denied. I'm not sure how long this will continue but it has already impacted my schedule. Hopefully this will change but I'm not holding my breath. 

Events scheduling is another big "if." If they're going to be held. If they get rescheduled. If they are virtual. My vacation time is scheduled from May to May (due to contract.) I pick in early January. That means that I choose my vacations for most of 2021 and the beginning of 2022. I have to hope I can get the weeks I want/need if I'm registering for a race. If the race holds a lottery or is first come first served I have to hope that week is available. I do have first choice in my department but also work with 15 others. That means that races that involve some travel/hotels/advance planning are a crap shoot most years. Toss in the specter of the race being cancelled and 2021 will be interesting. 

Next issue is health. I am 100 percent planning on being healthy! Positive thinking. To me there is no question. As for my fitness.....that's another issue!

The last few weeks have been a struggle. I hate to admit that. I am doing my best to keep my chin up but some days are more difficult than others. Just when I string a couple good days together the next day comes along and kicks me in the ass. Running really seems to take everything I've got. I believe it's a combination of the radiation treatment and the Lupron. Blocking testosterone and vigorous (for me) weight bearing activity don't seem to go together well. I haven't found any good research studies to back this up. It's just my first hand experience and opinion. Cycling doesn't seem to be as bad. I've definitely slowed and have to work harder at what seems to be an easy effort but it does seem easier than running. I've done a few Zwift rides and really have to push to stay with the group. Again, I believe it's weight bearing vs. non-weight bearing. *Seek a real doctor for intelligent advice* Hopefully once the effects of the Lupron fade my fitness level will grow. 

I have a few events on the back burner but I honestly don't plan on setting any records this year. Slow and steady is my new motto. I'll be glad to just toe the line and feel that race day adrenaline. I've signed up for Point Bock 5 mile (virtual-early March) and Wausau24 (4 person 24 hour mountain bike event.) I'm hoping for a late spring/early summer gravel race but I don't have anything firm yet. I'm crossing my fingers for a few WORS races and maybe a fall gravel event. It all depends on scheduling. I'd love to work up to a 50K again but that is a big goal and I need to be realistic. Like I said above, I know I won't be setting the courses on fire but I don't want any of these to turn in to an all out sufferfest! I mainly want to have fun!

That's where I am to start 2021. I hope all of you are doing well. If you're training I hope that is going strong and that race season, whatever that may be, finds you fit and fast. 

Now, I'm off to test out some new studded road bike tires. Although it's been in the mid 30's the past few days maybe I can find some snow/ice. Outside surely beats inside staring at a virtual course. I'll let you know how it goes next time. 

That's all I have for now. As always, thank you  for following along. I appreciate it. Comments and questions are welcome (good and bad.)

And of course-FUCK CANCER!!